Friday, 31 August 2012

Friday Fiefdom

Loyal readers, I need the advice of my subjects as I have a burdensome issue to ponder. Some of you may remember the recent hostile approach to my kingdom by King Spitty of California and the Western Wastelands. Now this was just his overexcitement on World Cat Day, when he posted a picture of himself atop the globe, with his paws too close to Finland (North) for my comfort. 
Now after a brief exchange in which I guaranteed my mastery of the situation, he backed down. He did not wish a Mirsku-missile to be despatched over the continents to Sort Him Out. Since then we have become good pals and I recognise his peaceful intentions, but he is very twitchy still about getting a paw in Europe. He asked if he could perhaps take crownship of the Netherlands as it is so full of pink tulips, and now wants to rule the Isle of Wight. That's off the south coast of England, and a once favourite place of Queen Victoria so has a few castles there. And squirrels. However it is beyond my jurisdiction. Clearly he still has intentions on mighty Europe even though he is very clear that Finland (North) is off limits. And I've also had to do some protecting of Finland (South), I can tell you!
So, I was wondering if perhaps an honorary title might be appropriate - with no land ownership rights in perpetuity, and especially no authority over any Finnish kitizens including of course his beloved girlcats . King Spitty has recently been rudely robbed of his precious royal orbs, so perhaps this might be a nice gesture towards him as he licks his smooth nether wounds.
Now we have many wonderful places in Finland, rich in wildlife and full of great trees. I was wondering if I could bestow upon him the honour of the freedom to govern some of our great nature. I consulted my map and  was wondering about, King Spitty - Munaton, Earl of Kivesniemi. Or Prince of Kiimamaa. Or Duke of Isomulkku.  Or maybe Lord of  Homeperseensuo. Or  even  Grand Sheriff of Kusipää. These are all places in my kingdom and perhaps one would suit. Loyal readers, what do you think ? Do they sound good to you ? They might be a bit difficult to spell and pronounce, but he should be proud to represent such places and all who reside in them, me thinks. And I think it would be an incredibly generous, royal gift from me to bestow such a title on my American friend.

15 comments:

Prancer Pie said...

How very generous of you! I'm quite certain Spitty would enjoy a title and it would just enthrall all the girlcats. The ladeez LUV a mancat wif a title, your excellency. (such as yourself)

Cheysuli and gemini said...

How kind of you, although personally I prefer that other cats not use royal titles in my presence because you know, I am the true ruler. You might want to be sure he adopts that rule for you too...

Katnip Lounge said...

We think an Earldom would be just the ticket for Spitty! Mommy says that kings often have other, additional title for their holdings.
And thank Cod the Royal Scepter was not sheared off along with the Orbs!

OKcats said...

King Punapippuri, we think it's very noble of you to help Spitty the Kitty find his own domain and minions to rule. He would rule it with a strong iron paw, we're sure, but we also believe he's worthy. We're glad you were able to come to a peaceful agreement with him.

Love, Fuzzy and Zoe

Sparkle said...

Sounds like a good deal to me! Especially since he is not in the running this year for Cat Ruler of the World. Maybe next year, Spitty....

Sanni ja Olivia said...

Punapippuri, äiti nauraa täällä vedet silmissä. Hän sanoo, että jaarli tai herttua voisi olla sopiva arvonimi, mutta älä vaan kerro paikkojen kirjaimellista käännöstä.

Kauan eläköön ovela kuninkaamme Punapippuri!

Pelle said...

*äiti kiipeää takaisin tuoliin lattialta jonne putosi nauraessaan* Oikein ovela juoni! Titteli ei tietenkään korvaa menetystä mutta jos et kerro hänelle mitä ne tarkoittavat han voi ilostua.
Iloista ja ihanaa perjantaita paras johtajamme!

Kissi said...

Methinks Lord of Homeperseensuo would be just the right title for Spitty;)

dArtagnan Rumblepurr/Diego Hamlet Moonfur said...

Heyyyyyy... if Spitty gets a title I want one too!! Even Hammy has a title here - he's 'Lord KittenLoaf'!

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

Well, I cannot say I am not intrigued by your offer.

Until World Cat Day, I had not been fully aware of Finland as such a desirable destination, but now I am full of unwonted land lust (perhaps the dampening or other types of lust has caused this rather sudden increase?)

Here's my current thinking: I've pretty much given up on Holland. I *do* love the tulips, and I *do* think all those windmills are cute. I am thinking the Nip and the Vine would be freely available given the nation's loosey-goosey drug policy. But a whole country may be over-ambitious, Kitties. Even for me.

Now, the Isle of Wight. It has many attractions: First off, it's mention in the Beatles' tune "When I'm 64." I would just LOVE a cozy cottage and the Human would love it if Sir Paul was included as part of the deal. Yes, we know he's pretty old now, but still. Then there are those castles--couldn't ONE little castle be spared for me? And I have also learned that the Isle serves as headquarters for at least a part of the British navy--all those dreamy folks in spotless white uniforms--and the SHIPS! I could go sailing whenever I wish!

But still, the Brits are our friends and allies, I would not want my hostile takeover of the I of W to cause a rupture in the tightly-knit fabric of our friendship.

Which brings me back to Finland. While the prospect of invasion and appropriation by force has its allure, having Lands of my furry own handed to me on a silver salver is very enticing. I mean, I think I'd probably be the only American Kitty to hold such a title, right? I would have exclusive hunting rights on my Lands, right? I could pee in the winter snows outside my freshly-erected tent, right?

Thank you for your generous offer. I will be considering it and have my counteroffer ready over the next few days.

Sincerely, Spitty I

Anonymous said...

Great PPP!

You are so brave... Absolutely Real KING CAT of Finland. It is relief to know, that you controlled your fine Kingdom all the time.

Vilperi with servant

Katie Isabella said...

King Spitty - Munaton, Earl of Kivesniemi. I hope he considers this very generous offer on your part, and I must say, said offer reflects well on you as a generous and magnificent Ruler. And I might add, you are exceeding handsome. (ooo la laaa)

The Cat From Hell said...

Bwaa! Haa! Haa! Me thinks yous should let Spitty have a nice ICEBURG! That will cool his poor nether regions! Spitty Ritari of Jäävuoret! Mes would LOVES to see him ruling seals and polar bears!
Kisses Nellie

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan, Bibi-Chan, Gen-Chan, Vidock, Violette said...

He had better not get too close to France or I, GENJI, The Shining Prince, will ride atop my Percheron War Horse and thunder into battle!

May we offer a French title in addition to yours, to give him the illusion of power? We were thinking "Prince de Ouanabi"...

Purrs,
Genji

Jenna and Sissy said...

Dat must be a hard job to negotiate all dat! Yer look just wern out!

We think Spitty needs an honorary title ta make him ferget about his missing pawts :)